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AzNxChiNkie
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Name: josh
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 4/8/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: counter strike.. starcraft.. hanging out wid friends.. some grl who i dont even no rite now..
Expertise: starcraft.. iOno.. wah else am i good fo..
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  littlechinkboy
Member Since:
9/13/2003
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| what are friends for? to bring you down? or try to advice you and support you?
trying to take control of your life and walk all over you? or just stay silence and be by your side?
true friends? what are they? what is the definition of a "true" friend? i believe that true friends are the ones who will understand who you are and accept the fact that the way you are. not judging like any others. to try to get to know you. not to think that you are a bad image around them. instead of calling each other out and end it, true friends will always try to make things better and work things out no matter how hard it is. if others dont judge, then why judge others? understand how each other feels and talk things out rather than dissing on one and other and try to make everybody feel bad when all were done meant well. when you fall, they will pick u back up. true friends arent afraid of being drag down. they are scared of not being able to stand you on your two feet.
understand is the key to everything. with little thing said but being misunderstood, it will be a pretty big deal.
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| here i am, in chicago, doing a trade show with the company and one of my co-worker. i just want to apologize for whatever i said. even though it came out the wrong way and you took it the wrong way. i cant blame you. i can only blame myself for not being about to communicate with you. i am sorry for what i have said and what i have done. but i rather talk about it now and tell you how i feel right away then have to hold it in and explode later. i wish you can understand where im coming from. i try and try and try to make you happy and brighten up your days when rain falls heavily. i try to be there even though i know i cant. i tried. i did. i am not about to give up. i really want to walk along way with you. and i do mean it. i might be stupid sometimes and let other stuff (all the bs) get the best of me. i know that i should you leave it and let it be since you already said ok, your fine. it is not that i am doubting. it is because when i say im fine but i really aint. i question again and again because of me. at this point, i cant give you anything but love. thats all i got. i understand that i was wrong for getting mad at a certain someone but expressed it in a different way. i didnt try to put it on you. i was just confused of what i was trying to say. i tried to talk and talk and talk about it. but it just doesnt work. i want it to work. but i guess in the end, it just doesnt matter since everything is ok right? i am sorry for being so far away. i am sorry for acting the way i was acting. you are right. you always deal with the after math with me and my friends and i am very sorry about that. i dont know how to control it. i just dont want you to not care about me anymore. i just got the feelings of you "not caring" for some reason. maybe everything that im trying to say, it might seem like "oo im trying to put it on you once again and blame it on you. and doubt you again." but it is not what it seems like. you might get the wrong idea from this message. i just want to put it in words about how i feel. but i guess i always fail. fail in typing my feelings and also talking about my feelings. i thought of all these things after we hung up last night. i wish that when i go back to LA, everything will be fine between me and you. everything will be back to normal. thats the way i want to think about it. but i cant, i have been thinking about last night the whole day today. im very tired. but yet i still want to talk to you. i still want to be there for every second that you need me. for every time that you want to talk. for every single opportunity i get to just listen to your voice and fall asleep being happy. i know that no matter how much i want you to be happy and all, at the end i was the one who made you sad and upset. sometimes i just tend to think so much. but then again, thinking a lot doesnt always help the situation. but i cant do anything else but think and think and think. i really just want to express my feelings to you. i want to be able to tell you all these things but if i cant say it right, then why say it at all. cause at the end it will just be an other fight. i want to be able to just open up completely to you. not so i can make you upset. but to make us understand each other more. not so we can have a fight, but to compromise.
you are always the one to make me happy
on the days that im feeling crappy
so im thankful that i get to have you
and at the end, i was the one to push you away, its true
i really dont want to be that way
but it happened anyways
so i just cant help but to wait
for us to be ok again
i love you behb and i want you to know that.
no matter what happens, i will still be there.
have a safe trip back from the mountain
and hope you had fun.
love you, muah!
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| the other day when my girlfriend and i were talking, we were both talking about our past. i told her that i read one of the conversations that i saved from along time ago, and i said "you are pretty lucky because you dont have to deal with the bad/mean side of me". i still cant believe how mean i was before. every little thing i would be like " F this and F that". when i think about those times, i laugh. after being in NYC, Chicago, LV, and RI, i realized that there is a much bigger world outside of the good old CA. everything is so different. how people do things and how they deal with things. i also saw how certain kind of people would deal with things in a certain way. the way they talk and how rude people can be out there. for being a high school drop out, i started thinking, if i did actually finished high school and went to college, "would things be different right now?" i asked myself that once then i came up with this answer. "it isnt a gaurantee that once you graduted from colleges and got your degrees, you will be very successful and making big bank. even though there is no education, you can always learn things from experience. from what you do and from mistakes you made. as long as you work hard, and you give everything you've got every single day at work. you will get some where. all you have to do is to be willing to work hard and step up to the plate." i really hope that all my friends are doing well out there. no matter what happens, just know that you can get through it in no time. happy mother's day to everybody's moms out there. | | |
| its been a long time since the last entry back in 2006. i went through along during these past years. i have learn alot more in life met alot of people in and out of the state of california. now when i think about it, i have been working at my current company for almost 2 years. i still remember the first day working here, i had to walk all the way from temple city to south elmonte. being all sweaty and all. started as a warehouse stock puller. since then i advanced quite a bit. from staying at elmonte, we moved to brea, from a little no body in the company, grew into a warehouse manager, trade show manage/coridinator, and taking care of amazon type of web buying company. i was told that i grew up alot and became alot more mature. so this is what i want to say to all those who i cared/care, know/knew, loved/love. i know that in the past, "josh" wasnt the very good type of guy, the temper and the attitude towards things and people. that was very immature of me and stupid of me. now that i understand and seen more things, i realized that it is very important for me to know what i did wrong and correct it. all those i "hate" you for this and that. because of stupid little things, i have lost quite a few friends. i just wanted to take this chance to say sorry to those. nonetheless i still care about you guys, hearing you guys' problems, even though i dont talk to you guys anymore. i still take it to the heart where i would say, i really want to be there for them but they might not accept me. i just wanted to take this time to say and let all of you people who i KNOW that josh will always be there for you guys no matter what happans in the world. sometimes i feel very helpless when i see my friends are being hurt and all and i cant do anything about it. i was told about walking the extra mile for everybody. the extra mile might not mean anything to yourself but it will mean alot for those who you help. so now i can say, once my friend, will always be my friend till the very end. | | |
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